Too lazy or too scared


It’s a big question in my life, as I look back over the years (god that sounds very old person like doesn’t it!) I can see quite clearly that I have wasted a massive amount of time. But why? I have always had goals, ideas, dreams and ambitions but was I scared of failing…or just plain lazy?

Just plain lazy

While I would love to think it was the former, I have a hunch it was the latter. Laziness has stopped me from achieving my dreams. And if I am being totally honest it still does.

There is always a reason to put of working on my …let’s call them projects… until tomorrow. Normally it’s tiredness, but alas, tiredness happens every damn day. If it doesn’t then my excuse? Well, I need a break. A break from what exactly! Doing eff all?! Okay so maybe I’m being a little harsh on myself, work is tiring, no matter what job I’ve had, I’m nearly always tired when I get home. Office jobs have had the tendency to bore the living daylights out of me and pretending to be busy and clock watching is pretty tiring. Currently, I work 30 hours in retail. Now when I first got this job over a year ago, I thought 30 hours/4 days would give me plenty of time to be working on my dreams. The thing I forgot about was the last time I worked in retail I was 19,  I had nothing to do when I got home except watch movies and eat. I am sure I was tired but I definitely was as tired as I am now. I suspect this has a great deal with being a bit overweight as well as being 13 years older.

Comparing myself to others…

Others my own age and younger!

I look at my peers and people who are in the same field I want to be in, the creative, maker, artist, all round cool individual and know that I could have been at that stage had I just worked a little harder, pushed myself more and focused on my goals. If I had worked for just 30 minutes a day on my plans then I would so much further than I am today. I still feel like I am on the starting block. 30 minutes is nothing, a couple of friends episodes, a casual Pinterest or Instagram scroll. This is both desperately depressing and like I have been hit by lightning at the same time. 30 minutes. 30 minutes minimum every damn day.


I will also log what I do each day, what I work on and how long I spend doing it. Will I report back weekly? Not sure right now, I will see how interesting that seems!

Just to add on, while I think it was 90% laziness that I haven’t achieved my dreams yet, I also think it is 5% being afraid of failing and 5% not knowing how. I will cover these in another post.

Too lazy or too scared

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